Since I decided to start this blog I have been going through my old journals, beginning with middle school. It’s a wonderful feeling to be able to go back in time through my own writing. I really began to get the hang of it around my freshman year of high school.
I want to share a page from my diary with you, I was fourteen years old and had just started going to a new school at this time:
Hello. My life sucks! Me & Carrie haven’t been friends for almost 9 months! But I don’t care, she’s a loser anyway! I mean she was my best friend for three years! I’m kinda glad we’re not friends cuz just about everyone at the high school hates her & Melissa!
I joined the volleyball team at school thinking that maybe I’d make some new friends. Boy was I WRONG! I don’t think any of them like me, and I’m pretty sure they talk about me all the time, but I don’t know why?! I’ve never done anything to make them not like me; except maybe make the team instead of some of their friends. There’s a couple of girls who are nice to me, but most of them have never said more than five words to me. I don’t talk because basically I don’t have anything to say. They don’t invite me anywhere so how am I supposed to make conversation if I don’t know anything about them?
We have a tournament coming on the sixteenth and yesterday we all went to my coach’s house to make signs for everyone. I’m like the only one who doesn’t have one cuz no one wants to make me a poster. I’m so nice to them even though I can’t stand most of them and they still don’t like me. I’d do anything for them (almost) just to feel accepted by them. I don’t have many friends and I wish I did. I know a lot of people but I’m not ” friends” with most of them. I think it’s mostly because I didn’t go there last year. I want to go to catholic high school like Aquinas or Cabrini or something. There I know I have friends!
Then there’s people like Des and Lindsay who think I have a ton of friends and I’ve had a million boyfriends (when actually I’ve never had a boyfriend and everyone thinks I have) I WANT ONE! But I’m not pretty enough so guys don’t like me. It seems like every time I get close to a guy where I can tell he likes me- I do something to screw it up and bye bye boyfriend.
I wish I looked different- long blonde hair, green eyes, thinner lips and nose. Kinda like a Barbie doll. Oh well. I hate my life!
P.S. I forgot some guys do like me- not many but some and they’re cute too, Rick (I think and I hope!) and Justin. He’s cute but I’d never go out with him- he’s too much of a flirt!
I ❤️ some people!
*On a side note, I tried to find my ninth grade volleyball team photo but I don’t have it. I’m fairly certain it has been destroyed.*